Softer, Slower, Calmer
When I was in high school I took weight training for my PE classes. It was either that or aerobics, and I’m definitely not coordinated enough for that! The theme of the weight training program was Bigger, Faster, Stronger. Clearly it made an impression because more that 20 years later it’s on instant recall. It was the goal of the program, the aim of every activity to get bigger, faster, and stronger. Of course, it wasn’t hard to buy into this because our culture is saturated with the motto- it permeates every aspect of western culture. Our jobs and achievements must be bigger, our days and our progress must go faster, and regardless of what we face or what we carry we must get stronger. There is no alternative offered.
And here we are, 2 years deep into Covid world. For a very short time we tried to slow down, but as soon as we could we were pushing to get things back up and running, and not just running, but running bigger, running faster, and running stronger.
And here we are, facing another surge of the virus. I was helping today at my kids’ school as a substitute yard duty and was speaking to a colleague. It’s a pretty small school and we had 50 kids out. As a yard duty that’s actually pretty nice because it’s a lot easier to watch so few children, but clearly it’s not good. We were sharing our concern for the kids with the amount of anxiety they are living in and with.
I don’t care which side of which aisle anyone is standing on, we are culturally and collectively experiencing an unprecedented amount of anxiety and depression right now. It is changing how we are showing up in our lives. People who typically bring a voice of calm and solace have gone silent- they don’t know what to say anymore. People who have typically risen above the fray are dipping and diving into the vitriol of public discourse and are hardly recognizable. In many ways we have lost our capacity for self-reflection to see the enormous toll this is taking on each one of us.
We hear the familiar drum beat to go bigger, faster, and stronger despite all that surrounds us. We feel the weight of the expectations of the culture to show up in these ways. But many of us are tapped out.
Did you watch the new Disney movie “Encanto”? I’m shook, but not surprised, by how many people I have seen across social media platforms voice the many ways the sister, Louisa, resonated with how they feel moving through this world. She is the sister with super-human strength and sings the song “Surface Pressure” about how hard it is to carry so much weight, not just physically, but mostly mentally holding everyone up, with a deep fear of letting others down. This message of Bigger, Faster, Stronger has intentionally poised many people to feel this to their core.
The problem is that we can see the expectations and they are in direct opposition to our weary souls. We are exhausted. Maybe not physically, though many are, but certainly in our deepest sense of self. We have spent 2 years losing community, breaking relationships, trying to pick up and press on without any clear leadership, separated from people we love, being disappointed by people we thought we knew, being crushed by the magnitude of the news surrounding us that has nothing to do with the virus, shifting in our beliefs and our values, and feeling generally adrift with no way to steer.
And because we have built our lives upon the foundation of Bigger, Faster, Stronger we do not know how to counteract or respond to this weariness.
No one has taught us or given us permission to be softer, slower, or calmer. Most of us don’t know what that looks like, how to get there, or if that even sounds appealing because it is so foreign.
What if we were just softer with ourselves and with one another. What if we allowed ourselves to move a little slower, and allowed others to do the same? And what if we learned the sacred act of pausing to give space for a calmer way of living?
It’s easy to say, but incredibly hard for many to achieve. Schools don’t teach kids how to move slower, or how to be softer, though some are beginning to teach ways of calming down. Businesses don’t know how to operate in a world that doesn’t require 24 hour email and text access to employees. Our religious institutions aren’t even teaching practices that allow for these values.
There are not a lot of quick fixes to living into this new way of being. It is counter-cultural, and requires habit change. Unfortunately, that takes energy and for many of us that is a resource in short supply these days.
But there is one resource you have available to you at all times, and it’s one that can move you toward these values and into making these shifts.
Please, just breathe.